Life lesson of the day: DO NOT ignore warning lights on your car and ALWAYS think positively.

It is not advised that you ignore the low battery signal on your car. Do not dismiss it as "Oh, it's because I just drove through a FLOOD. It'll be fine once it dries out". Do not dismiss it again the next day as "Hmm, something must be wrong with the wiring. I'm sure it's no big deal". You CAN'T dismiss it the next day when you're driving home at 11:30 pm on dark, foggy back roads with not a soul in sight and suddenly your radio shuts off with a flashing signal saying "LOW BATTERY". This is when you really have to admit something is wrong.  About 2 miles later the gauges stop working and you start hoping you even make it remotely close to home. About another mile later all the interior lights shut off, the windows stop working, things get foggy (thanks 150% humidity) and you start thinking "This is exactly what happens in horror movies. Young girl stranded alone on the side of the road at midnight in a middle-of-no-where town and suddenly your car is being attacked by zombies". Awesome. As a last resort, you start giving your car a pep talk. "Ok, we can make it! You can do it! Just one more hill! Ok, we're on the home stretch! Yep, you just stalled. No worries I can see my house, we'll just coast home." Give it some more gas and it lurches forward. 50 feet down the road you're in your driveway thinking "Holy shit, I'm really lucky." Power of positive thinking, folks. I mean it!

The end is in sight!

Finally! After 2 years of living with my parents the light at the end of the tunnel has appeared! (Please don't tell me it's a train) Thank you, Grad school. You are my savior. I realize I may be cursing you to death in a year or so when I'm up to my eyeballs in debt and papers, but for now, I'll let you have your glory.

Since I seem to have managed to make it out alive I've decided to compile a list of tips for surviving life with the 'rents at the ripe old age of 23. Mind you, I'm only doing this to keep myself from banging my head against the wall out of sheer boredom.

Tip #1: Purchase Netflix. I held off on this one out of the belief that I do not need TV shows and movies to keep myself entertained. False. It is a necessity.

Tip #2: Get a job working in a school or anything that involves multiple children running up to you at any given time for help. It is exhausting and by the end of the day you don't even care that you have nothing else to do, you just want to sleep. (Don't get me wrong, I love those kids even though they exhaust me to no end)

Tip #3: Exercise. A lot. You'll be so busy crying over the pain in your lungs on that 5th mile you won't be able to think about anything else.

Tip # 4: Stock up on books. Lots and lots of books. (This one I'm 100% serious about. Reading is no laughing matter, kids)

Tip #5: Plan multiple vacations you won't be able to afford for the next 10 years. Like a trip to Scotland, a cross-country road trip or a trip to Peru to see the Inca ruins. Actually, I take this tip back. It's just depressing.

Tip #6: Harass all your available friends to no end until one of them gives in and hangs out with you.

Tip #7: Plan relatively short distance weekend trips. Those are always an adventure. Fung Wah, anyone?

Tip #8: Never, under any circumstance, spend all day or night watching crime show dramas. Nightmares ensue and it rots your brain.

Tip #9: Frequent a trashy dive bar every weekend. You're sure to meet plenty of interesting characters.

Final Tip: As one of my second graders said one day "you just gotta go with the flow". They're so wise, those 7 year olds.

That's all, folks.

Pollen or Milkweed? County or Carpet? Potatoes or Pototoes?

What is one to do when a person decides it's a good idea to hold up 20+ kids from going inside after recess to discuss the dangers of playing with pollen? My solution? Stand back and shake my head in silence.
What was said: "Please, don't play with the pollen on the ground. Some children have very bad allergies to it and it can cause them to have breathing problems and itchy eyes so, please, leave it alone". Not bad advice if what was on the ground had actually been pollen and not a bunch of dead milkweed. I was unaware that pollen looked even remotely similar to dead milkweed. Good grief, Charlie Brown.

Oh. Also, I was told today how a student liked to watch "The Real Housewives of Orange Carpet" with their mother.

Welcome to New York

A warning to all those who might ever consider traveling with me - don't. Just don't. However, if you want to laugh your ass off instead of get to your destination in under 2 hours it may be a risk you want to take.

Friday, 2/25/11.
Boston, 10 am.
Against our better judgment, in order to save $10, Cherie and I opted to take the Fung Wah into Chinatown. All jokes aside, it honestly was not as bad as I was expecting; albeit the faint smell of urine lingering in the air, the woman munching on fried chicken next to me, the man of Eastern European decent devouring an entire package of raw hot dogs, and the Asian woman behind me who managed to carry on a conversation the entire 4 hour ride.

New York or bust. (I didn't take this picture, I wish I did. Alas, I only brought my phone)

Chinatown, New York, 2 pm
Destination Brooklyn: For those of you who are unfamiliar with NYC (like myself) it should not, under any circumstances, take 3 hours to get from Chinatown in Manhattan to Greenpoint in Brooklyn, but it did. It didn't help that the second we got off the bus we were pelted with raindrops the size of my face as rivers of discarded bottles and food wrappers rushed down the sidewalks. At first we stood in awe wondering whether it was better to just stand there and hope it stopped raining or to keep on walking despite the fact that we were practically taking a shower in public. We opted for walking. Glad that $5 dollar umbrella I bought at Walgreens did nothing to help me thanks to the vicious winds.

Brooklyn, New York, 5 pm
Finally, we made it! Thanks to Cherie's friend Stephen for putting us up (or putting up with us) the whole weekend. You're awesome!

Exhausted, we made ourselves at home immediately and settled in to watching Pretty in Pink. A few hours later we managed to pull ourselves together enough to meet up with Brittany at The Trash Bar in Williamsburg ($10 cover for an hour of open bar? count me in!). The Trash Bar was full of interesting characters (probably because it's a metal bar). To the man with that hideous feather in your hair, you look ridiculous. I don't care how "alternative" you think you are, it looks like you bought it at Claire's. The rest of said characters were cool.
Back to Greenpoint we go trying to find Brooklyn Rod and Gun Club. Acting on some vague directions we eventually found it; a cozy, smoky, little folky (hah!) place with an oversized picnic table in the middle of the room where this girl was playing. 

Amazing.

Saturday, 2/26/11

A pretty low-key day in comparison to Friday. After meeting up with a long-lost friend for lunch and dropping my leftover pancakes off on Stephen's stoop, Cherie and I headed for Chelsea in search of some galleries. Instead we found FIT. Not bad, it's always interesting to see fashion trends from the past 100 years on display. Unfortunately, FIT is in the opposite direction of the Art Gallery District. We finally found the art galleries about an hour before they closed. We happened upon a reception for a Harriet Tubman themed show which was amazing.
After the galleries closed we met up with Brittany in the Lower East Side for some kick-ass mac and cheese at a restaurant called S'mac. Holy shit. The place was a jungle. If I could compare it to anything it would be this picture.

Vultures. The lot of us. Hovering over people trying to enjoy their meal like we hadn't eaten for days. Thank you to the lovely alternative couple who said "The Hell with this place, let's take the rest of this home" and gave us their table. The delicious mac and cheese was almost worth the swarms of buzzards.

Sunday, 2/27/11
A day of travel. And waiting... and waiting... and waiting.

10:30 am
Leaving Stephen's apartment. Pat on the back for not getting lost on our way back to Chinatown.

Ahahah...That's the best picture we could come up with?

The ride back to Boston was less than eventful. I slept. I fell asleep somewhere in CT and woke up somewhere in MA. I went from thinking it was 60 degrees and sunny and suddenly it looks like Narnia outside. What? Take me back to Brooklyn, please.

8pm and we're back in Lebanon. Dude, where's my car? No, I'm not just making reference to a horrible movie. Where is my car?
Oh. I have to call if I come back early, you say? Well thanks for telling me. Now I feel like a huge ass.

9pm. Where is my car? Oh. It's buried in 2 feet of snow and stuck behind a car that won't start? Ok. Now I feel like an even bigger ass.

10pm. Wow, you hate me. Thanks for getting my car and here's a measly tip for all your efforts. I promise to never do this again.

Most people just have a rabbit's foot for good luck. I need an entire rabbit...or maybe a jackalope.

11pm. Home. I'm going to bed.

Ain't no preacher man save my soul.

En Route to Brooklyn

Cherie and I are crashed at Else and Lya's apt. in Brookline staring at their neighbor's incredibly crooked chimney. Our day has a looked a little like this. 11 am: leave Hanover for a 2.5 hour bus ride into Boston. What did we do to pass our time? Why play Hangman of course! Not just any Hangman, intellectual Hangman. First category, artists. Second category, film (bonus points for foreign film- Yojimbo? Score.) Third category, books. 5 hours later and all of we've done is manage to walk the entirety of Kendall Sq. We'll see what tonight brings.

Eat to moo. Death to Smoochy. It's all the same.

The ice was here, the ice was there, the ice was all around

I knew taking my grandmother out to breakfast this morning was going to be interesting. Let's see if I can recount some of the things that were said.
* "If I got punched by a kid I'd punch them right back and say 'how do you like it'?" (mind you we're in public when she says this...old people, they have no filter)
* "Christ Almighty, look at this snow geesh geesh geesh" or "Damn it, it was never this cold in Toronto. What the hell was I thinking moving back here?"
* "When are you going back to school"? "Nannie, I graduated last year. Remember"? "Oh! Jesus! That's right".
*  "Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink". Quoting The Rime of the Ancient Mariner as she was commenting on the abundance of snow...again.

Welcome to the blogging world.

As per request of my good friend Else, I decided to start this blog. For those of you who don't know me, weird and unusual things tend to happen to me. Nothing like being abducted by aliens or being bit by radioactive spiders or anything like that so get too excited. It's up in the air whether or not I feel like blogging about previous events or if I should just wait for the next bizarre event to strike. Eh, what the heck you're here reading this aren't you? I might as well provide you with some quality entertainment.

Have you ever been attacked by a bat at midnight in your kitchen only to be attacked by a flying cockroach (yes, they fly. who knew?) a few hours later? I have.

Have you ever had your tea nearly ripped from your hands by a passerby exclaiming "Give me that drink, _____"? I have. (By the way, I'll let you fill in that blank) 

Who can actually say they've slipped on a banana peel? I can. Thanks, Will. That one's on you. 

Have you ever been hit in the head by a falling bongo drum at a concert? I have and I still have the dent to prove it. All I got out of that ordeal was a refill on my beer and a copy of a lame CD. 

Have you ever been asked by a third grader if you want to go to time out? I have. Don't worry, I showed her with my quick and witty response of "No, do you"? Clever, I know. 

I could go on, but for now I'll leave you with that until next time.